Confronting Racism: God's Shocking Revelation About My Fear of White People

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Hello, welcome to Dear Diaries. My name is Roserbie

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today I am going to share a story that, Holy Spirit wanted me to share. And I recorded it before, but I was editing it, and I felt like I could do a better job with telling the story. So at the time that God wanted me to record this, I didn't know why, obviously.

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o I'll begin. So it was maybe: 2012

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I love that it was a Christian based company. They boldly spoke about the Lord. They boldly prayed and prophesied during these conferences. So it wouldn't be a weird thing if you went somewhere and someone walked to you and say, hey, can I pray for you? Hated I heard the Lord say this for you and and, just being a wonderful, like, church business kind of thing, but it wasn't a church and they didn't sell anything.

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Church. It was, it was health products. So. But they gave they acknowledge God in their business. They gave him the glory for their success. And I love that. So in this

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particular time I had this situation, I didn't know, but God, who is faithful, just and good and detail oriented, he cares about everything you'll find out about him.

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Is that

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every time that

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I thought about going out to work, the business,

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I would. There was just something pulling me back from doing it, and I would kind of be afraid. But it wasn't. It wasn't, loud enough for me to be able to say, okay, that's fear. It was just something pulling me back, and I just never could go do what it is that I was supposed to do to work this business.

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And even before I joined the business, I, you know, I felt led to join it. And so I'm like, you know, I felt frustrated. There was this chasm between what I feel I know I could do in this business and where I was. And one day I was just sitting in my mom's living room just, you know, in my thoughts, picking my meals, sitting there.

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And then I heard the Lord call my name, and he said, Roserbie And I'm like, yes, yes, father.

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And he said, you're afraid of white people.

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And I think that was the thing. Now, I remember one of the reasons why I didn't want to record this, because it's a sensitive subject. Right. And so but I'm, I'm obedient anyway.

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It doesn't matter because the truth will set us free. And that is the Yeshua. He will set us free. And so and I'm like, He's like, yeah, you're afraid. And you're intimidated by white people. And I'm like, but I know it's kind of true. But it wasn't like, as I said, like, you know, there's certain things that are there in the background, but it's not so vivid in the front where you can be like, oh, yeah, that's true, because I talk.

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I had I had white friends. I performed in front of white people. I did all these things. But what I always noticed about myself is

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I sang at a prestigious, Chinese restaurant and Gulf Stream and millionaires would, would be, you know, passing by in front of me all the time. They would come to me, come have conversations with me.

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But what I noticed, and this is not only that, I noticed this from even way back when I was younger, that whenever they spoke to me, whenever a white person spoke to me, my my eyes would kind of be down a little bit. And then I would eat up my words. I wouldn't project and speak out. There was just something there.

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And I, in an underlining feeling of being inferior

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and had nothing to do with them, how I was being treated, it was just something there in me and and I would notice it. But as I said, it wasn't loud, it wasn't out there. And then the fact that I was speaking or anything, it didn't mean that much to me.

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But it started to affect me, my ability to go out and work. And you may not know it, but in the Bible, one of the things that God considers a sin is to be fearful is to fear. And I didn't know that. So would you look it up? God considers that to be to be a sin. And I'm guessing I didn't hear this from God, but I'm guessing that when you allow, first of all, you're not supposed to fear any one fear man, but you should fear God, reverence him, and and and put him above all.

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But when you are afraid, you're unable to be the fullness,

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the greatness that God has placed you in the earth to be, if you're afraid to speak and in your words, is what's going to save someone. That fear is hindering you from being what God need. And I refuse to live a life where God is not getting his return on his investment in me.

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So he told me, then call you pastor. So I call him. The pastor told him, hey, this is what I heard the Lord said. He said, I understand. And he was a blind man, but he was in California and and his time he was in stocks and commodity and he was the only black man

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in his company working, doing that.

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And he had an inferiority complex when he started working. But then he I don't know I don't remember his story. I don't remember what he told me, but there was something that had to break off of him to in order for him to begin to progress and be successful in his business. I mean, in his work where he was killing it.

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And so I spoke to him, he he, you know, he he explained to me his story and everything, but I didn't feel that great. It didn't really help me in the way that I believe. But I can't say, because the fact that God told me to call him mean that there was a seed planted, something was done, whether I understood it or not.

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So in my in my MLM business. And the Lord told me, because the company would have conferences. And so he told me and I had a team. So even though I was afraid I had a good going black girls team going on. Right. So,

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and this is a side note that I noticed in my life with, with, how the Lord positions me.

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It didn't matter wherever I went for some reason. God's reason. And he knows why I would always find myself, my sisters and I. We would always find ourselves very close to the leaders we found our way. And some, someone else, a prophetic person explained that to us later on in life, but I noticed that.

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in this male company, which had thousands and thousands of people, my direct contact was the daughter of the CEO of the company.

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And so I had access to the CEO, which other people didn't have, meetings that other people didn't have, parties that other people didn't have. And that simply is because that's just something that that, I don't I would do with me and my sons and my sisters and I, it didn't matter where we were, what leader we were.

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God just gave us that access.

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So this had caused me to be able to go to this party, and I saw this party right. Well, before I talk about the party, I'll tell you what God told me. So he told me, go to this conference. Don't tell your team about it, because I want you to go there for a different reason.

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I had no idea, because from the time God had told me that I was afraid of white people, and the time he instructed me to go to the conference, they were not together. So it's not like I can put it together all year, you know, dealing with this now, it was, you know, I had a whole nother time.

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And and so I just heard the instruction and I did what he said. He told me, don't even tell your your leader that you're coming. Tell no one you're going. And so I did what the Lord said. I sat there

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and I listen. He said, I want you to go and I want you to listen. There's something that I have there for you.

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And so I thought it had something to do with the conference or whatever was happening at the conference. It's thundering. So I sat there and I listened intently with and I looked intently to hear. And then as I said, these conferences brings thousands and thousands of people is so exciting. So I was trying not to get motivated and influenced by the energy that was there.

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I wanted to hear what God said because in order for me to go, I had to pay a ticket, get a plane. I mean, pay for the ticket for the conference, catch a plane and travel, so I wouldn't I, I was determined to to get what it was. God told me that I'm supposed to get there.

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So as I was there, the Lord told me.

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I need you to go speak to this person now. This person he wanted me to speak to was my leader's brother. And I said, I said, Lord, how am I going to find him amongst these thousands of people by the time this thing is done, I don't know where he's going to be. I'm not going to be able to find him.

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I it's like, I don't know how this is going to happen. And so I, you know, conference was over and I was getting up to leave to go to my hotel room. And I heard the the Lord told me, sit down and wait. And so I sat and waited and waited and waited. So I waited about an hour.

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And then I was like, you know, where is the place started? The auditorium started clearing out, the theater started clearing out. And so I got up and get my stuff and I'm like, I'm leaving. So I'm, I'm getting up. I got up, got grabbed my things, and I walked outside and I pushed those double doors open right down at the end of the staircase was the guy that the Lord wanted me to speak to.

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My mind was blown. My mind was blown. And you know, God, who knows all things. He didn't tell me to get up and go, but he knew at this time she's not. I get frustrated and she's just going to get up and go. And there he was, right there, like waiting for me. And I said, God, you are something else.

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You are amazing. And so I went down to my but I didn't know how I'm going to have this conversation. He said, I need you to tell him that you're afraid of white people. And I'm like, oh my God, really? Really. That's what you're going to have me tell him. So I walked down and I went up to him.

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As I said, this company is not it was not a thing. If you went up to someone and say, hey, this is what I heard, the Lord said, you know, for me to tell you. So I walked up to him. He knew who I was.

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I said, I can never say it, I really couldn't say it.

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I said, I said, the Lord want me to speak to you about something. And he's like, yeah, well what is it. And so I said, the Lord wants me to tell you that I'm afraid of. And I just rubbed his skin and I said, this color.

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So he goes, oh, okay. And he's like, don't feel bad about it, because he said, God will cause you will have asked you to do things sometimes you don't understand that seems weird to you. And you know. And then he began to tell me a story about himself. Now, he was a gay man at the time. And, and he told me that God told him that he's going to marry a woman.

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And he said, God, you know, I'm gay, right? And God was like, yeah, I know. And he's like, yeah. So I don't see me marry a woman in this lifetime. And then God said, you're going to marry a woman. And then he was like, okay, God, but I know I'm gay. So. So then, you know, the Lord came to him again and he said, do you trust me?

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And he's like, yes, Lord, I trust you. He's like, okay, I want you to do something for me and it's going to be beneficial to you, but I want you to do it. Can you do it? And it's like, yeah, I can do it. So the Lord said to him, I don't want you to put on deodorant, and I don't want you to shave anymore.

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And he was like, what? What do you mean you don't want me to put on deodorant? You want me to stink around people? I'm the son of the CEO of this company. I'm around thousands of people doing speeches, you know, want me to wear deodorant and you don't want me to shave? I'm going to look like a bum.

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And God said to him, well, didn't you say that you would do what I ask you? That you trust me? And he's like, yeah, I did. And then he said, okay, I'll do it. So he told me that he did it. And what God wanted it to teach him is how he judged people from their appearance. And, you know, and judge judged them probably wrongfully.

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And so God wanted to teach him that lesson. And so he was telling me, it's not weird that God would ask you to do this. This is what he had me do. And so but while I'm having this difficult conversation, there's this other woman, this white woman standing close by. I knew her, she was a part of his team, and I was I was like a little irritated because I'm like, I'm.

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I'm first of all, God has me seeing this very uncomfortable, having this very uncomfortable conversation with this guy. And I'm saying something that I don't need people knowing about me and she refused to sit. I mean, to go. She refused to go. She was so close next to him, next to us. She can hear everything. If I whispered, she could hear it.

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And I was irritated. And so I said to him again. After he told me his story, I said, yeah, you know, God told me to tell you that I feel inferior to white people. I'm afraid of them and this and that. And then I heard this loud. Oh! And I turned to look at her and I'm like, this lady is ridiculous.

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This is ridiculous. And she's like, oh. And he she comes nearer,

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closer. And she says, that's why I couldn't sit down. And so now we're we're looking at her and she's like, I wanted to go sit down because, you know, she was a, a very heavy, heavyset woman. And so she had difficulty walking in her legs, was hurting her really, really bad.

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She said the Lord refused to let her sit down. He said, no, you have to stay right here. And she's like, but they're talking, and I need to go sit down because my leg her. He's like, no, you need to stay here and you need to stand right here. And she was like, it wasn't until you confess with your mouth, because remember the first time I said it, I didn't confess it.

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I just said, you know, I this one. So the second time, after hearing his story, then I said, yes, the Lord wants me to tell you that I'm afraid of white people when I feel inferior. And she said, it wasn't until you confess with your mouth that I knew the reason why the Lord wanted me to stand here.

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So now here's the story. The story's getting better and better. This is God. This is my God. Right? So he said, I mean, she said.

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She began to tell us the story of her family. She said that

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generations, like maybe her uncles, her brothers, they would all get arrested. They would all be in prison. The women in her family, they would always get raped. Always. And they got to a point. It was so bad and it was happening to them, she said.

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They begin to pray and ask God, God, why is this happening to us? Why are we? Why are all the men in prison? Why are the women getting raped in a beating? And all these things?

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she said that

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The Lord told her about her family history.

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She said, the Lord said a long time ago your family owned a plantation and they owned slaves, and this is how they treated them. And what you all are experiencing is what you've done to them.

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I was shocked and he said, if you want this to be removed out of your bloodline and you're not experiencing this, you need to pray and ask me for forgiveness on behalf of your family. Your ancestors. And then I'm going to want you. I'm going to have you

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ax black people that I bring you to or bring to you.

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You're going to ask them for forgiveness on behalf of the white people who did these things to slaves. And then you're going to pray for them. I was shocked. I was shocked, and so what I learned from her and from from the experience is God said to her that even when someone like me, I've never been through slavery, it's still it's still affecting the bloodline of many black people.

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And and it manifests in different ways. It manifests in different ways. And so the other thing was, here's the reason why God want me to find him is because,

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of course, that's her leader. As I said, she's on his team, but on his team. When I first saw his team, I thought it was so peculiar. And the fact that and this is why when you when you follow God and you obey him, things are coming together and you're seeing them later and you're amazed.

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If I was not at connected to his sister, the CEO's daughter, I would've never been connected to him to see these things and have this experience, to have this experience. So God was orchestrating everything from the beginning. And if you're obedient to him, I'm telling you, you're freedom is is here. And so when I saw his team.

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Everyone in his team was black except for her. And God told her to join his team. She was the only white woman. And he was the only white man. Everyone else was black. All black women. And I was like, wow, that's that's something. And, he got along well with them, very well with them. He was fun. And I remember his sister telling me, I wish I could give some more black people on my team, but my brother, he just, I don't know, God just blesses him with that.

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And so I remember having these conversations. So God told her, I'm going to bring you amongst black people. You're going to have to ask them for forgiveness on behalf of your ancestors and other other white people. Back in the past, and then you're going to pray for them. And so I took a picture of what I had looked like before this encounter, not because I knew what was going to happen.

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I just, you know, took a selfie of myself. And after that conversation, totally different person. It was like I was brighter. Something that I didn't see before was lifted off of me. And so she prayed. She asked me for forgiveness on behalf of white people who owned slaves. And then she prayed for me and prayed a blessing over me.

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And they and prayed that God would give me freedom. And I would fear no more. And when I went and after that encounter, I went back home. I noticed when I was at work, mind you, I said these people as I was singing. I didn't say it, maybe, but they they loved me. So there was no reason for me to be afraid.

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They would come to me and they're like, they're like, Roserbie I love hearing you sing. This is what your voice does for me. This is. But I still felt this. And I'm hearing these praises and and they're putting big amounts of tips in my jar and showing me appreciation, wanting to know what I'm singing because they'll show up.

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They'll bring other people to hear me. I still felt this way. And I noticed that after the encounter, after what God did for me that day, I was looking at them straight in their eyes, speaking up, and there was no fear in me and I no longer felt inferior. I felt like I am the daughter, my identity. I am the daughter of the Most High.

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That is who I am. What I do is seeing. What I do is photography, what I do as ministry. But my identity. I am the daughter of the King of Kings and equal.

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I'm level as anyone else who considers them selves a daughter or son of the Lord, no matter what color. And

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So I wanted to re redo this video because I didn't want to post what I did before because I just, I think I was flabbergasted as as to why God wanted me to record this, but, It it was an amazing experience. And I was I was telling my mom about it last night. I was just crying. She's like, why are you crying?

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And I said, I'm crying for because I'm I'm so grateful to God and how he is, what he conceived and what he thinks about the Bible talks about. There's not a hair on your head that can fall without him knowing and without him allowing. And so I, you know, here I am thinking I'm going to do this. And through this MLM business, God did so much amazing things in my life that that brought me here.

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But to see all these things worked out to bring me to this one powerful encounter to teach me something. And so I. I'm grateful for freedom. I am grateful for the Lord. I am grateful to be his daughter and. There's so much I could say about this. One thing I'm going to say is something that the Lord told me, after this happened, maybe years ago, and I wrote it down somewhere, at the time, I wrote it down in Facebook, and what I saw was I saw I saw black people or a movement or something was being said that black people are awakening to who they are and everything.

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And the Lord told me he showed me a vision and he told me, yes, this is happening. But I saw some people angry as they were being awakened to the greatness that God made them. And then I saw some people who who were not angry, and God showed me. God showed me, like a, a wave, a wave, like a tsunami.

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And he showed me there was two type of people and he said, this is, a time where, yeah, black people are are being awakened. They were embracing the way they looked, the full and lips, the nose, the the, the kinky hair, like this was happening. And he said, there's two things happening. He showed me a vision of a big tsunami wave.

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And I saw the angry people who are angry as they were being awakened. They were angry and they were being drowned. They were drowning from the the movement of the water and the movement of the water was people, people receiving revelation where they're from, the goodness embracing themselves. And then those were the ones who who received it well and who went to God and how to, you know, wasn't angry, how to use this new revelation or how to use this revelation or this acceptance of self and become better.

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Those were the ones riding the wave, but the ones who are angry, the ones who became but started to to, speak hate and and push hate. They were the ones drowning and this was a spiritual thing. And he said, those who will become angry, they will drown in hatred, and they will drown in not receive the benefit of of of awakening to know who you are, what I've instilled in you and how resilient you are.

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Those who do.

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Receive the movement. The change is, though the revelation in a good way. They will rise and be powerful people. And so that is what the Lord told me. That is how I'm going to move. And basically it's just always, constantly going to Holy Spirit and allowing him to comfort you. When you hear something shocking, the truth may shock you.

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The truth may make, you know, hurt. But if you do the right thing, go before the Lord. Go to God. How do I deal with this new information? How? Tell me how to. How to be now. You won't. You will. You will succeed in life. And so I just want to share that with you. I want to share this story.

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I wanted to rerecord it. God is good and faithful when he is working on a plan to set you free. He will set you free in an amazing way, and it'll be a testimony to his love, his goodness, and how he cares about every detail from the top of your head down to the soles of your feet. My name, is Roserbie Theoc

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Welcome to Dear Diaries. Sharing heaven. One experience at a time. Until next time. Bye.